March 27, 2026

At 49, there are many versions of me out there. I am getting pretty close to meshing them all together/living my most authentic self without “theatrics” and “masks”. (It’s a work in progress, but I am TRYING!!)

The version I love the most – and celebrate today – is the one I faced in the mirror this morning: the blend of all of the best parts, healed - and with so many lessons learned: THREE YEARS alcohol free.

If I’m completely honest (with you, with myself, with the Universe), I knew for decades that alcohol/my relationship with it was going to be a problem.

For a long time, I resisted the truth and pushed down the shame, judgement, and deep resentment associated with the questions, “Why me? Why can’t I drink like “normal” people? It’s not FAIR.”

For years and years and years, I tried:

*Dry January, Dry October, Dry weekdays…

*Obsessively counting points/macros/carbs to ensure there was “room” for drinking without gaining weight.

*Drinking “only on weekends”.

*Only drinking “just this one Thursday” and so on…

There were many many “Day ones”:

*”After this weekend!”

*”After this holiday!”

*”When I complete this thing that is stressing me out.”

*Etc. etc. etc…

Each path lead to the same result: “Moderation” was simply not a word that belonged in my vocabulary when referring to alcohol.

Like Will Farrell’s character “Frank the Tank” in the 2003 movie Old School, “Once it hits your lips, it’s so good.”

I loved the anticipation of that first drink – even the ritual of it – the feeling of the cold bottle in my hand, the sound of the bottlecap. Before I had even finished my first drink, I was thinking about the next one. And the one after that. If I was having a drink, I wanted to get drunk.

I wanted to numb out – to find some silence and peace from all of the thoughts that kept ruminating around and around and around in my mind.

I have since forgiven myself - and those I “blamed” - for my very toxic relationship with alcohol. I have also released any shame and judgement.

By the way: Did you know you could do that? I only discovered that you don’t have to carry emotions/energy in your body!! Or absorb the energy of other people/things around you!!

*For anyone out there who is struggling or needs someone to talk to, I am happy to be an ear/connect you to resources out there. Sometimes you don’t know about an entire ecosystem until you go searching for it. ❤

I didn’t go to AA; I was fortunate to spend the last three years supported by the most incredible humans: my husband and children, in-laws, my immediate family, and so many friends and colleagues who listened and cheered me on when I needed to just be heard.

There is one exceptional shining star who I need to talk about on this day of celebration. Allow me to introduce you to Andrea. (She has approved of this picture and story, don’t you worry.)

I first met Andrea when our daughters were attending daycare (15 years ago). Despite always being in a rush/feeling like a hot mess, I always had time for Andrea. Right from our first encounter, this relationship was 200% authentic. It was never superficial; 100% of the time I walked away with the feeling of true connection. (I also really liked her style so was always asking about the origin of many of her clothes, lol.)

Over the years, we were in and out of each others’ orbits. I have pictures from my daughter’s 3rd birthday, and there she is (my daughter is turning 16 soon, so it’s been a minute). What I always admired most about Andrea is the way that she presents herself – zero apologies for anything - or any notion that she should shrink herself for anybody for even one heartbeat. I saw the way she moved in life: how she spoke to people, in particular her own children.

She had grown up with an infrastructure that included fundamental deal breakers to her as a HUMAN.

Andrea shows up differently than a lot of people; it took me a while to realize that’s just who she is; it’s her super power. She calls herself a “truth teller” but I think it’s so much more than that.

When I first made the difficult decision to quit drinking, I knew that it would be my last “Day 1”. But I wasn’t totally sure how I would go about achieving that goal.

Andrea shared with me a simplified version of the AA Steps:

Step 1: Are you a bit fucked?

Step 2: Could you not be fucked?

Step 3: Are you, on you your own, going to ‘unfuck’ yourself?

I had all of the steps printed out/pinned up on a bulletin board in front of me for a while; I have since replaced it with something a bit more…peaceful. Lol.

On Friday afternoons in March of 2023, I called Andrea bawling. On 10 ten of not drinking, she said to me, “I love you so much, but I can’t imagine ever going through what you are going through right now.”

And that was that. Every time I thought about the discomfort I was feeling, I came back to Andrea’s words. I heard them every second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year - until I stopped counting all of those things.

Those words were the anchor I needed to realize: while it might not be fair or easy to understand, I wasn’t ever going to drink alcohol again.

Andrea was instrumental in helping me walk through the darkness. She is also one of several soul sisters I am blessed to have in my life.

Once I got through to the other side, she showed me what it looks like to truly SHOW UP.

Everyone says, “Family First” but Andrea exhibited this for me. Family = priority numero uno over everything else.

She might be younger, but Andrea is the mom friend who inspires me the most. I look UP to her like the biological sister I didn’t have.

I connected with a friend from High School earlier this year. He has mirrored back to me how far I have come in this journey.

Upon hearing about Andrea, he said, “…she sounds incredibly selfless and grounded. Is she aware of how much you pump her up??”

So Andrea, just in case you don’t know what your friendship has meant to me/continues to mean – it is truly my honour to know you and to be seen and loved by you.

As Paul Rudd famously said to Sean Evans, “Look at us.”

Sean Evans: “Who would have thought it?”

Paul Rudd (with a smirk): “Not me.”

So grateful. I love you and I love us!! 🙏🏻