April 1, 2026
Icon Margaret Atwood and legendary Richard Wagamese say, “if you write, you are a writer.” So – I guess this makes me a writer.
I used to have a lot of doubt and fear that I wasn’t the right person to hear things from. I have since discovered that humans want to believe in things. I want to believe in magic and the endless possibility that comes from authentic connection. Who doesn’t need a little whimsy in their life?
When I was in elementary school, I had a friend with a disability – he wore hearing aids and used sign language to communicate. I learned to sign; the whole class did. We even learned the lyrics to Michael Jackson’s “We are the World” (party trick!) I don’t think our teacher anticipated that we would then use that knowledge to cheat on multiple choice quizzes, but at 7/8 years old we saw an opportunity and went for it.
At that age, I was also a public speaker who delivered Remembrance Day speeches. I can still recall the first “feedback” I received from members in the audience afterwards. Despite practicing over and over, I fumbled at one of the parts when I was supposed to ‘pause’ at the semi colon part. That was likely the first time that I realized that you can learn from your mistakes.
When we moved from Ontario to Vancouver, I was devastated to leave my friends, daycare parents, daycare family - and school. My parents, thoughtful to consider that moving in May would allow me the chance to meet new friends for the Summer of 1986.
Right before we left, I participated in a public speaking competition. I told my 9-year-old classmates, “oh and girls there is a cute boy who lives next door.” Incidentally, that next door neighbour did become a good friend while he lived there, and then somehow ended up at a party I hosted in 1994.
If I close my eyes, I still can see the seat I sat in at the front of the class – terrified. I would look at the clock and imagine what my friends were doing three hours ahead in Ontario.
My new Grade 4 teacher (heyo Mr. Preston!) introduced me to the girls in my class, and these were the friends I had until I graduated from high school.
I had spent my early childhood picking wildflowers and seeking out fireflies. Sleepovers at my house were weekend long adventures because we lived so far from the city; it was more worthwhile for friends to come for two nights instead of just the one.
Right after the ice had melted on Desert Lake, we were jumping in that water (for a few seconds at least.) I can still remember my dad laughing and celebrating how brave we were.
I tried to be brave at my new school, but I first encountered bullies there. I have since learned - and accepted - the fact that “hurt people hurt people.” As an adult and a mom, I now have a lot of compassion for those kids.
I also realized that the “leader of the pack” is not necessarily the one who is the kindest or the most positive – or even the one who gets invited to birthday parties. In my experience, and I have seen this pattern repeat – it is usually the one that other kids are afraid of, or find the most intimidating. <The book, “Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood” by Lisa Damour is an incredible resource if you have a teen daughter.>
I should rephrase that: it used to be like this.
I am confident that the generations coming up behind mine have this figured out, and are actively working to change this. I have evidence to prove this: I see it in the friendships my own children have made. I ask them, “Where do you go where the vibes feel good? Where are you getting back the same energy that you are putting in?”
I have also since learned that as a very “sensitive” person, it’s possible to absorb the energy of other people – intentional or not. Everyone has a frequency, and sometimes you just aren’t on the same one as someone else. I used to think that it was my responsibility to neutralize, diffuse, prove my worth, get people to see/understand me – but it’s ok to just let it go.
My mom always used to say, “just swish it off”. Like Taylor Swift said, “Shake it Off”. As a late diagnosed neurodivergent, I only just learned that (for me) part of having ADHD means that I also have Rejection Sensitivity Disorder. Mayim Bialik has an excellent podcast about this that was helpful in putting it in scientific terms for me: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-highly-sensitive-the-neuroscience-of/id1546456269?i=1000756291167
For some reason, I had “inherited” some body image issues. I chatted with my cousin about this a while ago, and she wondered out loud if our biological grandmother had experienced this too. I can recall being in Kindergarten or Grade 1 “skating” on the ice rink at my elementary school (that’s what you do in Ontario!)
I fell and split my chin open and said to the older girls who tried to carry me to the office, “I’m too heavy for you to carry.” For a long time, I had a lot of disdain towards my body and tried to hate it into submission. I heal this ancestral/generational wound (it’s ok fam, I got you – we can let that one go. Look at the legacy of women in your path. Strong, beautiful warriors.) I embody the grace and wisdom of all of those before me and honour my body. In doing so, I have completely reset my nervous system. I love myself so much and see my life experience through a new perspective.
As a teenager, I never 100% felt like I belonged to a “group”. I had lots of friends, even girls who I considered “best” friends. When I chose to go out of province to University, I felt called back to Ontario.
I can remember my mom getting her (first) master’s degree from Queen’s University. I was there with my younger brother who couldn’t have been more than two years old at the time. My mom’s drive to be a “lifelong learner” was demonstrated to me long before I heard the words, “lifelong learner”.
For a long time, I felt like I had disappointed my parents with my higher learning path. I had always heard, “Laura has so much potential. If ONLY she would apply herself more.” Ah yes, “apply herself”. Hindsight is so beautiful because you have compassion for those who didn’t have the tools or resources – or even the understanding – of there being an issue.
As I sat in three-hour lectures, pinching myself to stay awake – trying so hard to concentrate…I was overriding what my body was saying: “This is boring. I am restless.” Even as an adult, I struggle with this. I had people challenge me when I multitasked because they didn’t realize that when I said I could do two things at the same time, I really could.
I have always had the ability to keep one foot on the ground, paying attention. And in a lot of cases, it’s possible for me to do two things at the same time. This duality is confusing for a lot of people, but I’m sure a lot of people (women – especially neurodivergent women) can relate to this. I do my best to focus on one thing at a time now (thank you, ADHD meds), but there are times that I can do both.
I had a roommate at university (from New Jersey, attended an all-girls’ Catholic school, majored in Women’s Studies and Sociology). I think she was teased a lot for this, but I get it now – or at least I’m trying!
Incidentally she introduced me to a lot of the music I still like to listen to today. (Hi Katherine if you are reading this!)
One album that she listened to on repeat was the Indigo Girls. They recorded their album 35+ years ago and it’s still SO GOOD. I used to record excerpts on lined paper and pull them out when I wanted to include something insightful or creative in cards or letters to people.
For ages, I would wake up and hear their lyrics. Maybe it’s because I had to write a paper on the song, “Closer to Fine”. I wish I could go back and write it; I got it completely wrong.
In February of this year, I randomly decided to take my car to get washed. There is a place in West Vancouver – right by the seawall – that you can drop off and come back to a clean vehicle.
This is also the day that I decided to try practicing – out loud – gratitude. I said everything that I was grateful for in that moment – all the things I could see, feel, hear. I’m pretty sure that I cried a lot that day.
As Teddy and I continued down the seawall, we ended up at the off-leash part by the water where lots of other dogs were swimming and playing. I started talking to a woman, and she gave me a book recommendation: Embers, Richard Wagamese.
It had been hard for a while for me to sit down and concentrate on reading a book. I found the audiobook version and committed to listening to it on one of my nightly walks.
I share with you the email I sent to this woman I met - serendipitously – that day.
Email sent February 3, 2026
That (not so) chance encounter set in motion a path of self discovery and “awakening”. P.S. When did that get such a bad stigma? Yes, I am awake with my eyes open. Peace.
I sent a text to Lisa that night, highlighting the peace I felt in observing the @WalkforPeace.USA while feeling fear in my heart for the monks.
Lisa: It’s so beautiful that they don’t hold the vibration of fear.
Me: I see it! And I have felt what that looks like now.
Lisa: It’s the highest vibrations of hope that takes the space of fear.
Me: It’s weird not knowing what you are meant to do… I used to try to label it, control it, hold, on, cling. I didn’t realize that I was just keeping all of that stuck! I’m learning how to just “be”. To truly live in the present. So beautiful to really show up and LIVE instead of just exist.
A bit later, I realized that I had to actively deprogram so many of the things I had told myself, had accepted from other people, or was doing and didn’t know.
<ADHD visual>
Thank you, @ADHD.Gwen for this amazing summary.
In my quest to find answers about myself, I consumed a lot of information about ADHD. Everyone should 100% do what’s best for them, but I am sharing this image because it 1000% resonated for me.
With 19 years in tech, I now understand how so much of the information we receive is just data. Data can be transformative!
Until I learned that it is possible to move energy in my body – and release it – I had stored everything. Every label, every feeling of judgement, shame, rejection…it was all right there. Too much had made me not trust myself for so long. My intuition had been talking to me my whole life, but there were certain things that made me feel “unsafe”. Instead of dealing with them in the moment, I pushed them aside and said things like, “I’m fine.”
Spoiler alert: I was not fine.
Once I got my ADHD diagnosis and took medication, I sat in ‘silence’ for the first time. I described it as, “it feels like my brain has been on a treadmill for 49 years and it finally got the chance to sit down.” I asked my husband, “is this how it feels to be ‘still’”. I grieved that day – for all the things that “could have been”. But that’s the thing about hindsight – it gives you 20/20 vision. I know that where I am right now could not have happened if I hadn’t lived the life I lived until now, you know what I mean?
What I learned is that when I could go from Trust > Release > Surrender and shifted my “Belief” to “Faith” there was so much JOY on the other side.
Further, when we choose love - embracing kindness, compassion and empathy - I show up differently. For myself, and for others.
My daughter (age 10 in in April 2020) had it all figured out. <3
Also, the Beatles famously said “all you need is love, love is all you need” so it must be true. Although some additional abundance would be appreciated, Universe! (Without harm to anyone, of course.)
